The Esteemable Acts Blog

We teach people how to treat us!

In this month's SUCCESS Magazine, there is a wonderful article on Norman Vincent Peale. In the article, they highlighted a quote of his, "Others will unconsciously take you at your own self appraisal." So what does that mean to me? That the way we see ourselves, is the way we treat ourselves, and the way we treat ourselves is the way we teach others to treat us. If I see myself as worthless and not deserving a better life, a good job, a healthy relationship, a man (or woman) who doesn't beat me, then that's the message I will send out to the world--whether consciously or unconsciously.  So where do you start?  By acting as if.

Let the decision stand

In the law, there's a concept called Stare Decisis, which literally means, let the decision stand.  Courts often use this concept when they want to keep things the same, they call it honoring precedent. And no doubt, there are times when honoring the old way of doing things is good.  But, there are times when we must overturn the old, and usher in the new.  Today we are at a time in history and in our lives when we have the chance to let go of what no longer works--even if we are afraid of what the future will bring--and take a chance on the new.

I often think about how different my life would have been had I not risked changing the landscape--had I not been willing to overturn the old ways of thinking and believing in my life--and tried something new.  I wouldn't be a lawyer, I wouldn't be a coach, I wouldn't be a motivational speaker, I wouldn't be living the life I GET to live, doing the work I GET to do.

What about you?  Are you ready to overturn Stare Decisis in your life? Are you ready to let go of the old beliefs that hold you back and try something new?  Until next time, have a lovely day!

Focus on what works--one day at a time!

Today I attended a class at church where the minister shared about the history of the church. In doing so, we took a tour around the beautiful Marin County grounds.  He called our attention to a fountain in the center of the garden with name blocks. Each block had been purchased by a member of the church tin support the building capital fund started years earlier.  He told us a story about an early member who, for years, was furious with the church because her name was misspelled on the block.  He said, "your name is spelled correctly." She insisted, "you're wrong."  Then one day he walked her aoround to the other side of the fountain where he showed her a second block with her name--spelled correctly.   His point in sharing the story with us was to recognize how easy it is to focus on the misspelled block, the areas of our life that aren't as we'd like them to be.  Yet it's takes a little more effort to step aside and see how mnany things are right and wonderful, and in fact as we'd have them.  That experience was a reminder---an esteemable reminder to take time to appreciate all that's working in your life.  

Self-esteem comes from getting through the bad days!

Have you ever had a day where you're REALLY off the beam? A day where, mistakes keep happening and there's no one to blame but yourself? A day where you forget something important, confuse an issue, don't remember to do something (or a lot of somethings), or otherwise mess things up?  A day where little stumbling blocks pop up everywhere? Well if you've ever had a day like that, then you can understand my yesterday. From problems with the airlines, rental car issues, and cat sitters--by the time my husband Richard and I arrived to our destination--Bangor, PA, I was spent.  I was so emotionally exhausted from the day that I just crashed. So what's the esteemable action in all of this? That sometimes stuff happens--even when you plan far in advance and reconfirm--but how you handle it is the key.  We all have to deal with stuff (bad days, annoying people, things not going our way, disappointments), and the truth is--we'll get through it.  It's our choice whether we get through it without taking hostages or creating wreckage along the way. There was a time when stuff happened and I made sure everyone knew it, especially Richard.  But the truth is, yesterday he and I did great. That was the esteemable act! Until tomorrow, have an esteemable day!

Self-esteem comes from doing Esteemable Acts.

Many of you know I'm a self esteem coach, and a few of you know I'm also a lawyer, with a specialty in intellectual property--helping entrepreneurs protect their valuable copyrights & trademarks.  What you might not know is that I also do family law for fun and for free. My pro bono work allows me to help women take back their lives and their families. In the past few months, I helped a young mom get custody of her infant son, another young mother get permanent custody of her two minor boys, and offered advice and counsel to a young woman whose husband left her, after only one year of marriage, for an even younger women.  We're all called to serve in a variety of ways.  I feel blessed that I get to use all of my skills to help other women. Self-esteem comes from doing esteemable acts, and it's an esteemable act to be of service.

Taking Care of Our Health

I'm in New York City this week taking care of my health.  It's an old problem that just won't go away--my back.  I'd love to say the problem happened by accident, or due to someone else's fault, but the truth is, it's all about me.  I like so many women have made everyone else's needs a priority.  Taking care of others is a habit well learned.  The problem is, we need to also learn how to tend to our own health needs.  As women, it's not always easy to take care of ourselves.  We're taught and encouraged to be there for every one else EXCEPT ourselves.  Then often when we find ourselves sick, unhealthy, or out of alignment with ourselves, we're confused, angry, and depressed.

One of the small esteemable actions I've been taking over the last few years is being proactive about my health.  So now I go to the doctor and get the appropriate screenings to discover potential problems BEFORE they become problems.

Are you taking care of your health this week? Let me know how you're doing? 

Keep Your Eye on the Goal

Self-esteem comes from staying focused on your goal.  Focus is the key to making something happen.  It's about keeping the end in mind, regardless of the distractions along the way.  I woke up this morning with an intention of writing in my Blog.  For the last few months, I have not allowed it to be the priority it needs to be.  Consequently, I didn't get the result I wanted--a viable Blog presence with a connection to clients and potential clients.  Today, I put a stop to that. So with computer key in hand, I started typing. As a result, this piece is being published. The first of one a week. Today I stayed focused on my intention to create and publish my weekly Blog.

Bring to mind your own experience.  How often have you said, today, I will do ____, and never did it?  How many times have you attempted to complete a task and never completed it? How many times have you made a commitment to yourself that you didn't keep?  How many times have you simply allowed STUFF to get in the way of you doing something that was important to you? 

Well regardless of how many times it's happened in the past, today you get to turn that around.  STOP feeling guilty about what you haven't done and let's get busy doing something today.  Maybe your commitment is to work on a project you've been putting off.  Maybe it's to finish an article you promised to write, make a phone call, hire an assistant, go to the gym, or send out a proposal.  Whatever it is, today is your day to be focused on that one thing, that's all, and get it done. I find the best way to get a project done that's looming over me is to break it into small pieces and then just do one thing at a time. You CAN do this.

Self-esteem comes from staying focused on your goal.  You'll find by the end of today, after you complete your task, you'll feel so much better about yourself.  Good luck and until next week---Keep doing those Esteemable acts!

Kirstie Alley

Self-esteem comes from doing esteemable acts, and it's an esteemable act to have the courage to be real.  We live in a culture where it's easier to sit back and take the inventory of those who have the courage to take a risk.  No wonder so many people are afraid to take the risk to do something they really want to do, because they fear judgment.  Well congratulations to Kirstie Alley who had the courage, first, to recognize she needed to take better care of her health, and second, for having the courage to go on Oprah in a bikini and be proud of the action she took.  Does she have more weight to lose, perhaps, if that's what she wants to do.  But where she is today compared to where she's come from is awesome.  I pray that I am always willing to be myself in the face of judgment from others.

Getting Started

Well I’ve finally joined the 21^st Century and started blogging.  Why did it take me so long?  Probably fear.  Fear of not doing it perfectly, fear of making a mistake and it going into cyberspace forever and ever and ever, fear of trying something new, and the list goes on.  Therein lies the essence of the Esteemable Acts Blog. 

The basic concept behind Esteemable Acts is that contrary to popular belief, self-esteem doesn’t come from standing in the mirror repeating “I love me,” it doesn’t come from being smart or talented or even confident, and it doesn’t come from the acquisition of things.  Instead, Esteemable Acts is a radical perspective that suggests self-esteem comes from doing, not feeling or thinking.  The bottom line is that you get self-esteem by doing Esteemable Acts, which almost always comes from walking through fear.  Feeling the fear and doing something anyway.

For more immediate and detailed information about Esteemable Acts, feel free to check out one or both of my books at or a CD http://www.esteemableacts.com/products.html. In the meantime, the purpose of this Blog will be to relate Esteemable Acts to everyday occurrences found in the news and in popular culture, thereby showing you by example how to live a more Esteemable Life.

For anyone interested in weekly action steps, check out my 52 Weeks of Esteemable Acts Blog.

Oh by the way, in case you want to know what gives me the right to talk about this stuff, check out my BIO http://www.esteemableacts.net/about.html.